Part 25: Update Twenty Four: Let's Dance, And Go Off A Blue Suede Nu

Update Twenty Four: Let's Dance, And Go Off A Blue Suede Nu

Last time, on Chrono Trigger, we entered the far far past of 65,000,000 BC, and met Ayla, the Chief of a nearby village and toughass cave woman. Today, we're going to get hammered and go hunting, so let's bounce.



We took Marle with us when we came here, but I decide I don't want her around. Ayla is throwing a party and I think our resident genius should partake.



And our robot. I see no way having a robot at a party is a bad thing.







I'd like to see you try, buddy.



And this lady offers us happy water. I can't imagine what's in it.



But it's a full heal that doesn't leave us feeling hungry, so I'm A-OK with it.



And there's a in-universe reason why Reptites are so tough. Besides being fucking dinosaurs.





In here, this little girl thinks our clothes are odd. Though, I imagine she's not used to 100% handsewn cotton that's been cleaned regularly.





Hey, guess where we need to go to advance the plot.



We'll get there in a minute.



We'll need those to trade, as mentioned before.



But when we're hunting, if it begins to rain, there's a rare monster out there...





This guy is the only one who will take regular money for his goods, but this is all he has. Nothing too important, as there is literally not a party combination we can make that doesn't include a healing Tech.



Later on, I'll have to take the time to go grind to get the petals, fangs, horns and feathers we need to upgrade people's equipment. Not that it particularly bothers me, as that's just more exp and TP.



This is good advice we'll keep in mind for later. Just remember that dinosaurs don't like being electrocuted.



This guy here is the one we actually trade with, but without the Chief's say-so, we're not getting a damned thing out of him.



So let's scoot over here and get that permission.



You know Ayla is important because she has three tiger skins in her hut.





And now it's time to boogie down.





Much as it looks like one, I promise this is not a cannibal cult meeting.



This party is in our honor, if you've forgotten. We so impressed Ayla with our combat abilities that she's willing to get her entire village drunk.







And the villagers are apparently just loving this shit.





We're now free to explore the party, talk to people, mingle a little bit.



Back in Update Two, we went to the concert going on at the Millennial Fair, and the music there (as well as the performers) was very 65,000,000 BC. I'm glad to see they kept this same song alive in their family for...A billion generations?

_{I don't know how to count generations when it goes that high}



Everyone here is having a good time, except for this buttmunch. But more on Kino's whiny ass later.













This isn't just a group of cavefolk dancing around; they're performing a song that I find awfully catchy. I was singing it as I wrote this update.



All the performers have the same dialog, so I guess they're really into passing their music down.



Robo, man, c'mon, we're time travelers. We'll have plenty of time to finish what we need to; the world won't be destroyed for another sixty-five million, one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine years. Relax.



This is why I brought Lucca along. She has the most amusing dialog. You can dance with Marle, but eh, I like the nerd better. Besides, when I'm getting all the endings, I'll come back through here and bring Marle.



Ayla continues to urge us to party on (Wayne), and so we shall party on (Garth).



Is that right? It's booze, and I thought alcohol killed everything, so shouldn't that fluid be a little cleaner than that?



No, Chrono isn't holding Lucca's hair as she pukes. Lucca's just diving into the urn of liquor back here.



Skull Smash? What the hell is this? Goddammit, this was Jurassic Pork Soup in the original!



Jurassic Pork Soup was a great name! Why change it? Fuck you, Square!



You rotten sons of bitches. I could forgive you for the shitty bonus content you put in your re-releases, even for the fucking horseshit you put in this game, but changing that?



Your translator is a fucking douchebag and I hate him. I hope he gets set on fire.



And whoever sent out the C&D for Crimson Echoes is a fucking asshole, too.



But Jurassic Pork Soup? That was a fantastic name! It inspired the contest I'm posting at the end of this update!



...Oh, uh, spoilers; there's a contest at the end of the update.



Dammit, Robo, you're supposed to be cooler than this at a party. Don't make me wish I was dancing instead.



Lucca is drunk off her ass already and pushing Chrono toward the same.



And there's no cups in this time period; we're using a fucking bowl to drink out of.



She also tells Chrono he's pretty much a pussy if he doesn't chug it down.



But, Chrono is a champ and smashes the booze.





Which Lucca finds hilarious, then nearly barfs from.



But what if we turn her down?



Lucca--



ALRIGHT FINE WE'LL GET HAMMERED



That's right; getting drunk with Lucca is not an option. You're doing it.



...Dammit, Robo...



How the hell am I supposed to know? I just know it's a red rock.



I guess that sounds special enough for what we want.





Whatever you want us to do, ma'am, we're up to the challenge.



Yeah, it's not a fight or anything.



To fix the legendary Masamune, the only sword capable of slaying the Fiendlord, we have to obtain the Dreamstone, a stone that doesn't exist in our time, and to get it, we have to beat a cavewoman in a drinking contest.



How can you not like this game?



Let that .gif cycle three and a half times, and you'll see how much I helped Chrono pound down.



When Ayla belches, you've won the contest.





Saving the world through our ability to withstand booze's effects.



Seriously, this game is fantastic.



Jurassic Pork Soup is still a better translation, though.



And I'd forgotten it had been changed until I was playing this section. Keeshhound and I developed that contest thinking that Jurassic Pork Soup was the name used. Now you won't get the contest unless you're familiar with the SNES translation (as most of you readers are).



Ah, daylight; the hangover's greatest weakness.



However, Chrono is up and at 'em like he didn't drink a gallon and a half of prehistoric moonshine.



Oh, Robo, you've much to learn.







I like Lucca's line in the SNES translation better; she implies that she was a perfect lady, despite her trying to get Chrono drunk enough to go blind and whatever she did after the drinking contest.



Now that you mention it, those aren't regular footprints.



What's gone?



...Well, that isn't good.





I want to know how smashed you two got if you didn't notice whatever made these prints. Speaking of that, where did everyone else in the village go?



Well, on the bright side, if we're stuck here, we don't have to worry about Lavos.



But, we're heroes, so we can't do that.





When we enter Ayla's hut, we find her passed out, presumably sleeping off the shame from being beaten by Chrono.



Oh, she's snoozin' good.



And she is not pleased that we've woken her.





Lucca, stop yelling or Ayla's ears are going to start bleeding.





I wonder if some aspirin would help Ayla. Hey, medical goons, how would our modern day medicines affect someone from way back in the day? I imagine probably about the same as they affect us modern-day folks, but I've learned not to make assumptions with science, as it's a tricky field and craftier than I'll ever be.



Notice that Ayla didn't say she's going with us; we're going with her. She's Chief and used to things working out that way.





This is the party I'm taking for now. Chrono and Ayla are locked in at this moment, so folks at home, I need you to vote on who our third person is. BOLD a vote (or rap one out) and I'll take them along for the dungeon. You'll have until Friday at 5:00, EST, to cast your vote.



For now, though, there's the Hunting Ground to explore, which I think will end this update nicely.



Here's a shot of Ayla's stats. She's not much for magic, but she can crush your skull like a grape in the palm of her hand. And her Fist is her only weapon; she'll never find something in a chest or equip something new. She's fighting monsters and dinomen by punching the everloving shit out of them.



For comparison, here's Chrono's stats. Ayla is a physical beast.



With a healing Tech, no less, which also cures status effects.





We can now visit this guy, who will actually trade with us.



There's new weapons for Chrono, Marle, Lucca and Robo, as well as new body armor and helmets. We're going to need a lot of goddamned materials to get all the good stuff.



But, for now, I don't have enough items to trade for anything. And to cut down on my grinding, I suppose I'll only grab a full set of gear for Chrono and whoever comes along with him and Ayla.



And the best place to go find that sort of stuff is up here.



In the Hunting Range. At least, I think this is the best place to find those items. This area is completely geared toward letting you fight to find those items, and to get to the next dungeon, you've gotta go past the trading hut. It's probably the most convenient place to find the items.





Enjoy the music, by the way. Don't ask what's gotten into me; I don't know why I'm suddenly remembering the music links here.



This place isn't very large and you can probably run around the entirety of it in less than two minutes.



Which is good, since you'll probably spend a good bit of time in here.



So, Ayla has a unique weapon, which means her attack formula is unique. (PWR × 1.75) + (LV² ÷ 45.5) is how her damage is calculated, and looking at that, I am 'ing so hard. How in the holy fuck do you come up with that kind of formula?





But, it hits hard, so that's what I care about.



She punches harder than Chrono can slice them with his sword. I love this woman. And so does everyone else who isn't out of their fucking mind.



But, after the fight, we get two Fangs, two Horns and two Feathers.







These guys are Ion Clouds, and despite their similar appearance to the Alkalis and Acids from 2,300 AD, they're nothing special. They take normal damage from all attacks, but with 152 HP, Chrono can't kill them both with this attack.



But Lucca can Napalm them out of existence.



And we gain two more Feathers and two more Petals.





There's more enemies here, but the only two normal encounters I found were Preshistoric Frogs and Ion Clouds.



After a while running around, it begins raining, which was what I was waiting for. It's great when it rains here. In addition to the rare monster coming out, the music also changes to rain falling. Nothing else, just the beating of the rain.





Ah, there we are! Yes, the rare monster is a Nu. Now, we've seen them in 600 AD, 2300 AD, and now in 65,000,000 BC. There's something about these creatures, no?



If you don't catch him before the rain ends, he'll escape. You've gotta be quick.



Like before, just pour on the damage, and he'll go down. His attacks are the same as they were in the Cursed Forest.



And here's Ayla's critical animation. It's pretty swanky and comes up often; I'm pretty sure Ayla's natural critical rate is far better than any of the others.









And there's a point to beating him beyond gaining the 30 TP.



He gives us a full set of trading items and enough to get some items!



But that's not all!



The Third Eye is an accessory that doubles a character's Evasion; Ayla could equip it to have an Evasion of 50. I'm not sure exactly how Evasion works in this game, but 50 seems pretty good. Not that I equip it on her; she still has her Power Scarf to continue crushing incredible amounts of ass.





But for now, let's go see the fruits of our labors.



Well, at least, I'm getting Chrono a new sword. I'll have the other stuff later.



Three Fangs and three Horns get us a new sword for Chrono.



As for what all we can get, have a list from a FAQ:


I'm glad that guy did that, rather than me having to sit down and take all those notes. Thanks, random FAQ writer!



Chrono's Attack is still ten points lower than Ayla's, but hell, he's catching up. Sure, he loses two points in Magic, but that's not that big of a deal.



Anyways, that's where we're ending today's update. Next time, we'll get our Gate Key back, so stay tuned!

Also, since I forgot to mention it earlier, let me give a big shout-out to Aishlinn for coming up with this update title!

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Despite the name being changed to skull-smash, Keeshhound and I came up with this contest idea months ago, so we're rolling with it.

_{Stupid name change, Jurassic Pork Soup was great and you guys had to go and fuck things up...}

Chrono Trigger Cooking Contest!

In honor of us encountering Jurassic Pork Soup, I'm going to challenge you, the readers, to make your own prehistoric recipes; it can be a recreation of what you think Jurassic Pork Soup is, or your own original recipe. However, there’s a caveat to this; since you’re replicating a prehistoric recipe, you should try to only use techniques and ingredients that would have been available to the inhabitants, unless you were to make it yourself, using era-appropriate techniques. So, no Heinz ketchup, but if you make some yourself, it’s fair game. Hell, you’ll get extra points for limiting yourself to what would have been available in 65,000,000 BC. You won’t be disqualified for taking advantage of modern conveniences, but if you can keep everything stone age, it’ll be worth some bonus points!

But Leave, why would I want to participate in this?

You’d want to participate not only because it’s fun and you can make something tasty, but the winner of the contest will receive a $10 prize in the form of a forums upgrade, archives, a new avatar or a Steam game.

How will the contest be judged?

Unless you’re willing to send me a sample of what you make, this contest will be judged by a panel of goons, including myself, Keeshhound, Silver Falcon and Yapping Eevee. We’ll judge you on appearance, ingredients used, and you’ll get bonus points for doing a write up on how it tastes.

How long do I have to make my entry?

You have until...Uh, shit, I don’t know. How about a month to make and post your recipe, so on June 4th, if you haven’t entered, you’re shit outta luck? Sound good? Sounds good to me.